DSC00988_0My Mother was taken from me by lung cancer when she was 56 years old.  It happened just before my 21st birthday.  We really were looking forward to that birthday for some reason. Maybe because it meant I was an adult?  Maybe because it was a special number for her?  Or maybe, just maybe, she liked a really good party!  (She did!)

My Mother had 7 children and I was next to the youngest.   She cried happy tears easily and wore her heart on her sleeve, but she would tolerate NO CRAP from any of her children.  She was a smack first and ask questions later kind of gal.

Her 79th birthday would have been May 16th.  It is hard for me to picture her old as in my mind she is still as vibrant and full of life as ever.  I refuse to remember her as she was at the end of her life.  I was thankful she went quickly (diagnosed at Christmas and gone before the end of March).  She was a great painter, a quilter, crocheter, and a flower gardener extraordinaire.  My Mom could do it all!  Mom had a great sense of humor.  We gathered to sprinkle her ashes at the farm she loved in WV and it was on April Fool’s Day.  I kept wishing she would jump out and say, “just kidding April Fools,” but she didn’t.  I have wonderful memories, the crafts she taught me and lots of happy memories. 

One of the articles that made her laugh the hardest was this one by the late Erma Bombeck.  I remember it yellowed and taped to our refrigerator from a newspaper that Mom clipped it from.  I am sure Mom and Erma are having quite a time in Heaven and really yukking it up!  Mom loved to laugh!  Erma made her laugh until she cried! 

Things my mother taught me

by Erma Bombeck

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside – I just finished cleaning!”

My mother taught me RELIGION
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

My mother taught me REASON
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

My Mother taught me LOGIC
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

My mother taught me FORESIGHT
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident”

My mother taught me IRONY
“Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper!”

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM
“Will you “look” at the dirt on the back of your neck!”

My mother taught me about STAMINA
“You’ll sit there ’till all that spinach is finished.”

My mother taught me about WEATHER
“It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS
“If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen THEN?”

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times–Don’t exaggerate!!!”

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
“Stop acting like your father!”

My mother taught me about ENVY!
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION
“Just wait until we get home.”

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING
“You are going to get it when we get home!”

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD
“If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job.”

My Mother taught me ESP
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold?”

My Mother taught me HUMOR
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

My Mother taught me about SEX
“How do you THINK you got here?”

My Mother taught me about GENETICS
“You’re just like your father.”

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS
“Do you think you were born in a barn?”

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE
“When you get to be my age, you will understand.”

My Mother taught me about JUSTICE
“One day you’ll have kids … and I hope they turn out just like you!

Happy Mothers’ Day, Mom!  You taught me well and I really did listen!  I love you!